After-School Activities: At What Age Should Kids Start, and How Many a Week Are Too Much?

Moms Talk is a new feature on Patch that is part of a new initiative on our sites to reach out to moms and families.

Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in the East Windsor-Hightstown-Cranbury area.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council—Susan Masone, Siri Heinrichs, Cristina Fowler, Christine O'Brien and our intrepid columnist Lauren Kim—takes your questions, gives advice and shares their solutions to the problems vexing all of us.

Have a question you would like to share, or just want to provide your opinion on the question of the week? Head over to the comments section to do just that.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with the following question: 

After-school activities: At what age should kids start, and how many after-school activities a week are too much?

Christine O’Brien: I think it is up to the parents to decide when children should begin after-school activities. It also depends on what the activity is and the level of commitment required by the child and family. 

We began with Scouting in first grade. It was only a two or three time a month commitment. Also, the children were allowed to participate in only sport or additional activity a season. Sports require more dedication because of practices and multiple games a week. As the children grew, we were able to add in taekwondo, which has a very flexible schedule.

If the child become stressed, over-tired or falls behind in homework, then it’s time to cut an activity out. Some children thrive on activity and need it for physical and social reasons. Others can become overwhelmed so it really depends on the individual child.

Lauren Kim: I think how many activities a child should be involved with and when she or he should start very much depends on the child. Some children prefer organized activities, while other children may like to have more independent time on their own. It also depends on how disciplined a child is and how competent she is with completing and understanding her homework.

My daughters started dance lessons when they were 4, and have been taking dance lessons, which they enjoy, ever since. Their class meets once a week for an hour on Fridays, so it's not very taxing for them and doesn't get in the way of their homework. (They don't receive homework on Fridays.) The classes also give them a chance to spend time with their friends.

In terms of the number of after-school activities, I think we're at our limit now. My daughters are both in a Brownie troop that meets twice a month and they take music lessons once a week, too. But, they also play soccer in the spring and fall, which can make our weeks busy. Soon, when soccer starts, my daughters will have something to go to sometimes four nights a week, which is too much. I think it's best to limit activities at this age (my daughters are both 7)  to two or three nights a week. While my daughters' activities don't get in the way of their homework (they don't get a huge amount in the second grade -- maybe about 10 minutes of homework, and 20 minutes of reading time, and they are both doing fine in school) sometimes they do need some down time.

My girls are both only in the second grade right now, so they are experimenting with which activities they like. I figure when they get older, we can cut down on the number of activities that they get involved in, and focus on only one or two things (whether it's sports, Girl Scouts, dance or music) that they truly love or excel in. Although ideally I'd like to cut down their activities now, my daughters are enjoying all the activities they participate in now. Each activity has its own pluses -- soccer gets them some exercise and they learn teamwork, dance is good for them physically and gives them a regimen, the music is fun for them and is a wonderful educational experience, and Girl Scouts teaches them life skills and helps them to develop some self confidence and independence.

Siri Heinrichs: The age that kids start should depend upon the individual child.  I think between ages 4-5 is an appropriate age to start, but it also will depend upon the activity.  For us, each child has started swimming lessons at age 4 because I think that is a critical thing that kids need to know how to do.  For other activities such as team sports, I think age 5 is appropriate.  Much younger, and there can be attention span issues.  Once kids start school full time, I think it’s important to limit their activities.  Kids need time to be just kids and to figure out how to entertain themselves.  My 6-year-old will often say, “Mom, I’m bored, I don’t know what to do.”  I love this, because my husband and I have a running joke that if the kids tell us they are bored we can always find something for them to clean.  Most of the time they don’t like that option!  So, because she is not overscheduled, she has the time to be bored, and then to figure out a creative way to solve that problem on her own. 

Since swimming lessons are our one activity requirement, we then allow the kids to pick something else that they want to do during the week. My 4-year-old recently did a stint with gymnastics but her attention waned so we decided she wasn’t old enough to fully appreciate it.  So we’ll wait another year before getting her involved in any other after-school activities.  For my 6-year-old, she just recently started jazz/tap lessons and loves them.  They meet once a week and thus far it is a very positive experience.  This spring she’ll also be participating in PAL soccer on the weekends.  But that is the limit.  If she wanted to do something else, I’d ask her to choose between that, dance, and soccer. 

So in summary I guess I think two to three activities is the limit, but "it depends" on so many different factors as well!

Susan Masone: Oh, this is a touchy subject in my house.  My husband and I have had a few "disagreements" in this subject.  We have been at opposites ends of the spectrum in this matter.  In the past I have over signed up my girls for any activity that came along. We have been approached on many occasions to sign the girls up for travel teams or more competitive teams.  I like to believe we have come up with a happy solution right down the middle. We do not sign up for more than one rec sport at a time. It is just not for us. They are involved in one sport, one religion and one social event every week. Is there running around? Yes. At times, it is a bit much, but looking back at the social progress they have made, I am glad we did it.  This schedule does give them playdate time and alone time still. 

Is this schedule for everyone? No. Just like travel teams are not for us, any sport or activity is not necessary for every family.

When the day comes that they do not enjoy the schedule, or our family life/academic suffer, then we hang up our gloves and vests.

There is no right or wrong. It just depends on your family dynamics and child's personality that will guide you in how much or how little to do after school.  

Cristina Fowler: My husband and I tend to believe the more involved a child is, the less time there is for negative distraction.  However, this being said, our children are still very young and they are still very much under our watch, with regards to any type of distractions. My perspective on this question comes from a mother of young children. In our household, we decided to take things slow and add on activities as they prove they are capable of handling the change. Our daughter began ballet at 4 and truly enjoyed it. Today, we keep her to one class per week, her CCD classes after school, Girl Scout Daisy Troop twice a month and new for this spring, soccer.  She is 6 and in first grade. Our son just began playing soccer and will be trying T-ball and gymnastics in the spring. He is 4 and in preschool.    

On most nights during the week, we are running from here to there and back again, which can be difficult since both my husband and I work full time. But we have a wonderful support system of family and friends who make the lifestyle we chose work.  

As our children get older and their interest and talents develop, I am sure we may allow them to add more to their plate; but with the caveat that school work is the first and foremost priority.  We encourage them to try new things so long as their academic studies are not neglected.  In the end, each activity, each experience and perhaps each failure will attribute their respective characters and teach them how to manage time more efficiently. Having fun and being active is the icing on the cake.