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Community Corner

Stuck in an Elevator: Experiencing the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Although fairly close in age, we differed in race, religion and the section of New Jersey we called home. Yet the commonality of love, concern and mutual support transcended all differences.

When was the last time that you shared an emotionally intimate conversation with a perfect stranger that deeply affected your life?

I call such experiences "stuck in the elevator" moments.

These are times when perfect strangers are forced to spend time together and voluntarily share core feelings without ego or self interest. Moments of profound emotional and spiritual intimacy occur, even though the participants may never meet one another again.

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I've had such experiences in stalled elevators, but most have occurred during airport delays, on long Amtrak rides between New Jersey and Washington DC, and in hospital waiting rooms.

Each time, I become increasingly aware of how connected we are and how the human heart speaks a common language, regardless of external physical or socioeconomic differences.

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My latest "stuck in the elevator" experience was in a surgery waiting room in Princeton last week. For more than two hours, I communicated deeply with someone I might not have even nodded to if our paths crossed in another context.

This is my way of saying thank you for this interaction.

Intimate Strangers

The four of us arrived at the surgery center around 7:30 A.M., and his wife and my daughter were called to the pre-op area within minutes of each other.  

I had brought magazines, crossword puzzles and a notebook to pass the time. He had picked out a newspaper to read. Yet we began to talk and only stopped when he was called to the recovery area.

He was deeply concerned with his wife's health and previous difficulties with anesthesia. I was worried about my daughter's ankle surgery. I found myself listening with my heart and became aware that he was hearing me with the same intensity.

I told him I could feel how much he loved his wife and the depth of their connection. He shared how he was struck by the beautiful energy coming from my daughter when she registered at the intake desk and that he saw her as a person of great compassion with an exceptional future helping people.  

He taught me about applying for the NJ prescription assistance program, and I told him how to increase his auto insurance coverage in case he was ever in another accident with someone with inadequate insurance. 

We communicated our deep connection with and trust in spirit. He gave one name to the divine force and I another. But the nomenclature didn't matter. We both knew we were talking of the same reality. 

At one point I laughed when he said he thought I was about 45 years old. I don't know if he was just being a gentleman or if he really meant it, but it certainly felt good that he missed the mark by 22 years! 

Although fairly close in age, we differed in race, religion and the section of New Jersey we called home. Yet the commonality of love, concern and mutual support transcended all differences.

Both of our loved ones had some difficulty coming out of anesthesia, so we met again in the recovery area. By that point we felt like old friends who had known each other forever.

My daughter and I completed the discharge process and left for home, while his wife was still struggling for full recovery. In the rush to leave, we never exchanged names. I realized this omission as soon as we were back on Route 27 heading for South Brunswick, but there was nothing that could be done.

Harnessing the Energy

It isn't often that we get to be fully present to each moment and share the human condition with another, whether friend or stranger. After all, we are people of the 21stcentury, always racing to our next appointment and relying on technology to make future plans.

But sometimes life conspires to make us take a forced time-out and to discover another dimension of time and space involving interpersonal connection. At such times, we become aware of the tactile sensation of health and illness and of the healing power of shared experience. 

Ultimately, it is our sense of connection with one another that will allow us, as a planet, to survive environmental disasters, economic hardship and political wars. But we don't have to wait for catastrophe to love and take care of one another. 

Now is the time to kindle this energy in our heart and to share it with family, community and in interactions with perfect strangers, even when the "elevator" is working perfectly. What an amazing sense of community could be generated under these conditions.

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